4). I like my family.

No really. I like my family. Not everyone can say that. My parents were married in June of 1976. They are proof (to me) that it's possible and worth waiting for. This is me and my mom:

We have the same nose. She looks good for 61, don't you think? I hope I look like her when I'm that age.

Never take sides against the family, 'cause it's lonely out there in the rowboat. Even if your wrists and ankles are raw and chafed from your family ties, just remember, without them--well, who are you?

Your family cuts you the most slack and gives you the most chances. When the quiz show host says, "Name something you find in a refrigerator," and you say, "a dictionary," and the rest of America is screaming, "You moron!" at their TV sets, who's clapping and saying, "Good answer! Good answer!"? Your family, that's who.

4). I have a cool room.

If this bed doesn't make you want to jump in it and do unspeakable things, then you're not my type. I hung up a mural of Orion the Hunter because its the mightiest of constellations and well, there should be some mighty things happening here...

In fact, here's a brief history of Orion if you care to know:

Orion is the most splendid of constellations, befitting a character who was in legend the tallest and most handsome of men. His right arm and left foot are marked by the brilliant stars Betelgeuse and Rigel, with a distinctive line of three stars forming his belt. ‘No other constellation more accurately represents the figure of a man’, says Germanicus Caesar.

Manilius calls it ‘golden Orion’ and ‘the mightiest of constellations’, and exaggerates its brilliance by saying that, when Orion rises, ‘night feigns the brightness of day and folds its dusky wings’. Manilius describes Orion as ‘stretching his arms over a vast expanse of sky and rising to the stars with no less huge a stride’. In fact, Orion is not an exceptionally large constellation, ranking only 26th in size (smaller, for instance, than Perseus according to the modern constellation boundaries), but the brilliance of its stars gives it the illusion of being much larger.

Orion is also one of the most ancient constellations, being among the few star groups known to the earliest Greek writers such as Homer and Hesiod. Even in the space age, Orion remains one of the few star patterns that non-astronomers can recognize.

#3). I don't like mustard.

Never have. Never will. The good news is that if you like mustard, there will always be more for you. If you don't like mustard, then that's just something we can have in common.

#2). I smell good.

See? I have a little perfume collection.


Don't like perfume? No problem. I can throw them all away.